I remember being at a Kenpo Karate
Seminar and the Instructor said to the class “The most likely scenario in which
you would ever use one of these upward blocks I am teaching you is when you
open the closet door and the Christmas presents you forgot on the top shelf
start to fall down and you protect yourself.”
Thinking to myself quietly I realized Jews, Muslims and atheists would
have nothing to worry about, their closets would never attack them. But I would continue to train for the day
those presents decided to attack.
Another instructor made the comment during a break where he felt that if
the only thing a student studying martial arts ever learned was “Not to Freak
Out” during an altercation of a stressful situation then his training did its
job.
And I thought, “I’m paying $100 a
month to learn not to freak out? I
thought I was learning cool ninja stuff and how to beat others up, in glorious
choreographed fight scenes. Why was I
learning how to breath, how to stretch and how to use torque and fulcrums?” Yes, I was a disappointed student in the art
of not freaking out. I studied it for 6
years and I got so good at “Not freaking out” I was apathetic.
That was then.
Now, I have children. And they freak out, A LOT. Honestly, I am not sure how they are wired to
go from Zero to Crazy in small events like broken crayons or the ever horrible “He’s
in my ROOM!” but they do. And they do it
well; they are masters of the freak out.
And to be honest I sit back and think to myself, “DUDE! WHAT’S YOUR DEAL?!” But I never say it, because I don’t freak
out.
I have a sometimes stressful
job. Sometimes things break, and they
break hard. So, while networks are down
and email isn’t working and we need those contracts in .pdf form, or the web is
down and people can’t buy stuff or whatever, you can’t freak out. You shut up, no matter what Exec is yelling
in your ear and you figure out the problem and you fix it. It’s not time to be angry over why it broke,
scared that you can’t fix it or have anxiety that it might break again after
you fix it. You push that aside and you
focus. Most people do it; some do it
better than others. With family, friends
or acquaintances though, we tend to be less forgiving and more apt to let our
emotions get the better of us. This
happens especially when we feel we have been wronged personally and we want the
other person to know it.
Earlier this week, Brandon had
enough of his little brother Collin.
Collin can cause the best of us to freak out. Why?
No idea, it’s a gift. Whatever is
annoying in me appears to operate in this kid at such high levels it’s
detectable from space. Any who, Collin
had duped and/or frustrated Brandon for the last time, and Brandon was pushed
to the point of tears. You know, those
angry tears where it’s either cry or grind your teeth and stab because of what happened. So I pulled Brandon’s hyper tensed body over
to me where I didn’t ask him what was wrong.
That doesn’t matter.
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer
turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
What mattered is his anger was
getting the better of him, causing him to lose his sense of self and manifest
itself physically. I started quietly
talking to him, telling him to not allow his anger to control him. When people get angry they say things they
don’t mean, they can’t control themselves physically and nothing; NOTHING should
have that power over you. I helped him
breathe slower, and walked him back from whatever path he decided to let
himself walk down.
When he calmed down enough, his
frustration left and I hugged him, told him I loved him and that things will
happen that can make you angry and cause you to flip out, but you don’t have to
allow yourself to surrender control to those feelings.
I don’t want my kids to grow up and
be submissive to their emotions.
Proverbs 14:17 A
quick-tempered man acts foolishly, And a man of evil devices is hated.
During Brandon’s episode I explained to him when
someone gets upset they lose control, in anger they can make mistakes. In fear they can react with unfortunate
consequences. All things can be
forgiven, but you are responsible for the repercussions of your actions during
those moments.
More important than teaching my kids how to fight
in self-defense will be to teach them how to win the fight over their
own emotions, how not to Freak Out.
Anything that I can do to show them not to allow anxiety, anger,
depression, ignorance, fear or pride to have the primary place in their minds
must be my primary goal as their father.
I need to change their perception on how they think when these moments
come so they can remain calm.
Historically, the Apostle Paul had a lot of unfortunate and stressful
things happen to him including having his head cut off. Now I am sure the last one was only stressful
for a moment, but still leading up to it he had some pretty hardcore
circumstances that if anyone was allowed to freak out it could have been this
guy. But he wrote this instead…
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these thing”
Paul made a conscious decision to focus on the positive that was around him, and to let his belief system and relationship with Christ to lead in this area. That governed his emotions. Was he perfect? No, he even said he never arrived at the final fruition of his Christian life, but that’s not the goal. The goal is to be something better than an emotional hurricane, to be led spiritually and not emotionally.
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these thing”
Paul made a conscious decision to focus on the positive that was around him, and to let his belief system and relationship with Christ to lead in this area. That governed his emotions. Was he perfect? No, he even said he never arrived at the final fruition of his Christian life, but that’s not the goal. The goal is to be something better than an emotional hurricane, to be led spiritually and not emotionally.
Martial Arts taught me the enormous amount of
damage the human body can take and still function. The desire to push yourself beyond a normal
breaking point physically can give you a sense of security when faced with an
altercation where normally when threatened the adrenaline kicks in and mistakes
can be made if not channeled properly. I
didn’t realize until later that the greater victory came in the battle that was
already won in my mind to stay focused and not to listen to a chemical or
emotional reaction that overpowered proper thinking.
Proverbs 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding:
but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.
