I’d like to take some time to step away from the cynical and sarcastic ways of me and think about current events and pop culture and what that means to us as a collective group of individuals.
I can’t think of any greater trend right now than that of
doing most of the TV shows of our youth since they have completely run out of any good idea. Hollywood
Smurfs. For realz yo!
I have often wondered over the years, or at least for the past few minutes anyway, what Smurf I would have been should I have been born in that lovable city of mushrooms. I love Hefty smurf. He was the strong one. He got stuff done and for sure was the one who was going to end up with Smurfette. I mean come on – he had a tattoo and everything.
But no, I have come to realize in the
(village? Farm? Crop? Whatever…) I would not be Hefty. Smurf Kingdom
I would be Snarky.
Yes, Snarky Smurf.
I would setup my tasks to be various to make sure I was effective and to live up to the name that I had been given.
First, I would punch out Brainy Smurf. Ya see, Brainy, tries to be snarky. But he just comes off as annoying. He isn’t that brainy either, he is just a tattle tale and an envious little blue punk. So, I would rename Brainy to Sally Smurf. I would send out a letter in an email to the other Smurfs that this is what Brainy wanted to be called after his “operation” is complete.
(This mirrors a conversation I had with a friend this week; I thought I would use it here.)
Next, I would remind Smurfette that even though she is the only girl in the mushroom village, she isn’t worth dating. I would constantly remind her that she started out as an evil creation of Gargamel the Sorcerer and is most likely either a demon or a witch at the very least. If she would get angry with me I would shout “The power of Smurf compels you!!!” We wouldn’t be friends for very long, but I would remind her that that was her choice and not mine, since she was the evil one.
As for Gargamel, who is always trying to eat the Smurfs, I would catch his cat Azrael and cut off its tail. I would then let Azrael go approximately 50 miles away from my village where I also let raccoons out. I would inform this cat, which appears to understand language, never ever to return home, especially if it wanted to keep its eyes.
I would send the tail back to Gargamel, with a used smurf fork and knife and a note that said “Next time, send a Persian, they are less fatty.”
Papa Smurf would have to go. Either that or conform to the rest of the smurf dress code standards of white pants/white hat. Honestly, what kind of cult is this if we all aren’t wearing the same clothes?
Methodist Smurf, Catholic Smurf and Flamboyant Smurf cannot hang out with me. I don’t believe how they do.
I would tend to hang out with Disney’s The Gummi Bears. They appear to know how to refine their juice into a powerful weapon when needed.
Finally, I would campaign on capitalism vs. the apparent social order setup by the rest of these blue commies. Either that, or Lazy Smurf has to get a job.
I understand this didn’t have much to do with my Christian life, for that I apologize. But if I didn’t write these things out, they would actually come out of my mouth.
And that would just be Snarky.